Door is closed. Move on.
And it is fine that they will forever remain closed.
There are several moments in your life where you will face rejection. Some will sting, some you will get over fairly quickly and some will be helpful in redirecting you. That is what I heard commonly veiled as meaning for the rejection. But what if you are a child, innocent and naive enough to believe that the person closest to you can’t reject your personhood only for existing? It would be criminal for a parent to do so. To not see you. Yet, like Pandora’s box taught us, hope is the last one to leave the box and the nastiest monster out of all of them. Tell that to a kid though. That both Santa Claus and the hope for a loving parent are in reality just that, hope, something they cling to for a sense of normalcy. How could a kid comprehend emotionally such a disappointing reality at once? It is easier to keep hoping while you change yourself to fit the criteria. Less naughty, more obedient, more understanding, just a better version of a kid, but not really of yourself.
The door never opened for you, but you stayed knocking. Waiting for things to change. Maybe if you change, the door will open. A door with 10 locks, with a crumbling stone arch around it and at least 3 of the locks high enough that you can’t even reach them, even if you had a key. There is no handle or buzzer to this door. Yet you keep knocking. Waiting. Hoping. Changing. While the door remains the same, just slightly getting uglier the more you wait in front of it.
It is okay to look for other doors that will open. I know it is scary, the sunk cost fallacy alarm is freezing you in place. All because of that damned hope. Give up on it. Let it go. No one will open that door. But there are several other doors where you don’t even have to knock. Plus several more that will easily open if you knock. You have options. You can choose to explore so many aspects behind other doors. However, you first have to take a first step and move on. Move on from the place where your hope chains you to that one cursed door that you know won’t ever open. There is nothing about that door that could help you in life. I know, it is your first door and holds sentimental value. But how could you argue with me that it is worth waiting in front of that closed door? Even if you can, I’d feel sorry for you. You are worth so much more than the rejections of the first door. Move on. I’ll come with you on this journey to explore new doors that will open for you, the real you. It is going to be okay.